The viral “braided baldie” hairstyle caught my attention. I was so intrigued by it, so I thought why not give it a try! I was so excited to share my version of this hairstyle with my Instagram family (to see video click here). I had found a catchy transition to use on my video and after editing and spending 3 hours doing this hairstyle, I was so ready to share. I had no idea this post would cause me to be triggered and take me back to childhood trauma after receiving 2 negative Direct Messages, one stating “you are a white girl, you shouldn’t wear black styles”.

These messages immediately took me to my childhood where I have been singled out and bullied for being a “white girl”.

In this post, I want to share with you my story, which is just one story of many mixed-raced/multi-racial individuals who have traumatic experiences due to being mixed-raced. I want people to understand the impact and the triggers comments like this have. I want to raise awareness, this mindset is still among us, and I hope to inspire change and to give other mixed raced individuals a space to feel heard, understood, and a knowing, they are not alone.

My Background

My mother is Caucasian, and my father is African American. After taking my 23andMe test, I learned that I am primarily Scandinavian and West African. I grew up in Oakland, CA in a predominantly African American community. For the most part my 3 sisters and I were accepted but there were always comments made that made me aware that we were “different”. When I wore my natural hair, I would always get asked “what are you?” “what nationality are you"?” “is that your real hair”. Seeing the confused look on peoples face when they asked me this, frustrated me. I would ask myself, why is my hair such a conversation piece? Am I that different? My hair drew attention, I wasn’t equipped to handle, which may be one of the very reasons I wore my hair straight for many years. When I wore my hair straight, I didn’t have to justify or defend my identity or ethnicity. I was easier to place in a box when I wore my hair straight, I looked more “white”.

Many mixed raced women have a hard time embracing their natural hair because of experiences like this and contributes to the identity crisis many of us have. We grow up confused because we aren’t 100% accepted by any race because in truth, we aren’t just one, we are everything we are mixed with.

Not only did I have this experience with my hair, but out of all the experiences, one in particular stands out for me. My oldest sister made friends with an African American girl from our neighborhood and for a while everything was fine, until one day her and my sister had a falling out. When this happened, she rallied many fellow African American people in the neighborhood to pick on us because we were “white girls”. They would follow my two younger sisters’ home from elementary school, talk about them being “white girls”, and how they would beat me and my older sister up. They would also “try” (I say “try” because my mother never took no stuff, she would always defend herself lol) to bully my mother when she would go to the local corner store. They would bump into her, they would call her names, etc. It got to the point where we didn’t want to really come outside. It got worse when they started to repeatedly fight and jump my older sister and I at our school bus stop. I remember many days being relieved when I use to make it on the bus, like YES we didn’t have to fight today. There were many days I would have anxiety getting on and off my bus, just hoping we wouldn’t run into these girls. There were many days, I would try to understand why they all hated us so much. Why did they want to hurt us? They were so ruthless when we would fight, I would get scared that one day we would get so badly injured, we wouldn’t be able to recoup from. My anxiety got worse after my oldest sister was 3 months pregnant and they knew it and they kicked her in her stomach. Thank God my sister and nephew survived, but all these moments were horrific. I would think, wow all this because we are “white girls” I just couldn’t wrap my brain around this.

The Lesson

I share this story with you, not to feel sorry for me, but rather to bring light to one of many traumatic stories mixed race individuals have. These are the emotions that get brought up when people make comments like “your a white girl, who shouldn’t wear black styles”. It immediately brings you back to the emotions you experienced as a child. Being bullied, singled out, not fitting in, accused of not being one race or the other, people questioning what you are and you not feeling comfortable answering, being rejected by family members or other people of one of your racial backgrounds, accused of not acting or wanting to be one or the other race, the unfortunate list goes on…

I want people to be mindful of the comments they make. Stop trying to fit people in a box. Allow people to be who they are authentically, allow them to embrace and represent all of their racial backgrounds. Don’t make them feel they need to deny and not bring honor to a part of themselves or one side of their family to make you feel comfortable.

Conclusion

I am both, African American and Caucasian and if that makes some uncomfortable, then so be it! I am determined to continue sharing my beautiful tight textured hair that roots from my West African ancestors, who were slaves and were forced to give up their traditional styles. They were stripped of their culture and ways to care for our hair, and eventually were forced to conform to societies euro-centric beauty standards to advance in the world, but because of them, I have the freedom to wear my natural hair and I’m going to represent for my ancestors that couldn’t!

Let’s stop the divide! We aren’t Half of or Three Forths anything, we are whole and beautiful just the way we are!